The Count's World, Episode 2
by The Great Allie
Summary: Count Bleck sends his minions to Rogueport on their first mission of peace. While he takes a sick day, the minions must stop the Robbos and Piantas from fighting.
1. 2 dash 1

_If you wanted it, then you have it- Episode 2 of "The Count's World." I have a lot of stuff to put in this series, so as long as people respond favorable, or at least give me ways to make it more enjoyable, it's going to be coming up._

_Plus, I mostly write fanfiction when I'm in the middle of a depressive episode, and since I slept for 12 hours last night, it's pretty safe to say you'll be seeing a lot of updates. I hope they won't be depressing, though- actually, I'm going to shoot for "comedy." Last night I actually DREAMED an episode (well, why not? I was asleep for twelve hours!)_

_But enough from me… presenting:_

EPISODE 2-1

As was their custom, the minions of Count Bleck were gathered in the meeting room, ready for their next assignment. Mr. L was still among their ranks, mostly because no one had gotten around to sending him home yet. Nastasia was standing on her usual platform that was normally right next to the Count, but the Count was not there at that moment.

O'Chunks was the first one to comment on Count Bleck's absence. "Hang on a minute," he said. "I was all set ta say Hail Bleck, but it doen't make any sense if the Count in't 'ere, then. What's goin' on?"

"Yeah," said Mimi. "Where's Count Bleck?"

Nastasia straightened her glasses and announced, "Yeah, um, the Count is going to take one of his sick days today, so he left me to dispense the next project. I have it right—"

"What? Somethin' wrong with the Count? Yeh gotta give us more to go on than that, lass—if there's somethin' wrong wit' 'im, we gotta know."

"It's nothing," Nastasia explained. "Probably just a little something he picked up while he was away." She held up the clipboard she always carried. "Now, I have the notes he left for me right here, so let's just take a look at them and get started, 'K?"

"Is there anything we can do to make him feel better?" asked Mimi? Her face was expressing the concern she felt.

"Uh, not really," Nastasia answered. "You've never been sick before? It really isn't a big deal. Like I was saying, I have all the notes he left me, so we can get started. I've got you guys scheduled to leave for Rogueport at 10 this morning—"

"Goodness," said Dimentio. "If he picked it up in Rogueport, it doesn't sound like a very good idea to send the rest of us there, does it?"

"Look, just wash your hands and you should be fine, 'K? Now, like I was saying, the Count says he wants you to go to Rogueport, because of a disturbance between two of the criminal organizations they have in the town—"

"Oh, I see," O'Chunks said with a gruff laugh. "Someone in Rogueport needs a good taste o' O'Chunks's Chunks, issat it?" He shook his fists up in the air. "I'll drop a mess o' damage on 'em!"

Nastasia sucked her breath in through her teeth and looked up at the minions. "You know," she said, "It's really difficult to get through these meetings when you keep interrupting me. How about you all settle down for a few minutes so we can get through this… 'K?"

"Sorry," they mumbled.

"Great." Nastasia looked over the clipboard. "Now… in Rogueport, there are two conflicting gangs- the Robbos, who work on the east side of town, and the Pianta Syndicate who control the west. Both of them have been fighting for complete control as long as they've been around, but recently tensions have been seriously brimming in the central plaza. The Count would like to test the waters of our new organization by sending you there and having you prevent an all-out gang war on them. Understand?"

"I'm sorry, did you say _gang war_?" Dimentio was incredulous.

Nastasia checked over her notes. "Yeah, I did," she confirmed. "Do you think you can resolve the situation?"

"Yeh kin count on us!" O'Chunks said. "If we can't reason with 'em… we'll chunk 'em!"

"I shall leave the chunking to him," said Dimentio. "Although my mind is hatching up several scenarios that could play out once we arrive." He glanced up at Mr. L. "Most of them don't end up well for you."

"I've been to Rogueport before," said Mr. L. "I used to hang out there between adventures back when I had one of my own. I wonder if any of my old buddies are still there…" he added as an afterthought.

"If Rogueport is anything like I've hard it is," said Mimi, "we'll need all the buddies we can get. What should I wear to a place like that, anyway?"

"Want my advice?" said Nastasia. "Don't wear anything too nice."

"So, anything in your closet then," Dimentio added.

Mimi shot an angry glare at Dimentio. "Don't even start! I'm still mad at you for the other day; that was a cheap shot!" Mimi was, of course, referring to the time when Dimentio had given her the advice to resolve her situation with Nastasia, but had then used it to take a dig at her and remind her that she had not gotten any work done. Dimentio was nothing if not consistent, especially in his treatment of the others.

Count Bleck was relaxing in his room, laying down on his bed. He was tired, the kind of tired where you aren't sure if you're just waking up or just falling asleep. What Nastasia had said about him being sick was true, and although he hated to miss being available to his minions on their first serious mission with the new goal, there was no way he could delay it any further. Tensions in Rogueport were just too high, and it was an opportunity they just could not miss. So here he was, sick enough to be annoying but not sick enough for any concern. He had Tippi for company, and for that he was grateful.

"I'm just not sure I trust them, entirely," Count Bleck was saying. "When I hired them, it was with the goal of destroying the world. If you don't want anything beaten into submission, O'Chunks is certainly not the man for the job…Mimi couldn't work out the solution on her own… and Dimentio, well, I'm not really sure why he's here in the first place, I just can't seem to get rid of him."

"I wouldn't worry about it," Tippi said in a comforting voice. "You gave them all pages and pages of information and an action plan. It's not like they'll be flying blind or anything. And they're more capable than you think. They were _really_ good at slowing Mario down."

"You're right," said Count Bleck. "It's just a very frustrating situation for me to be in. I wrote those pages with the full intention of being on call. It may throw a wrench into the gears, as the expression goes."

"So now Nastasia is on call," said Tippi. "She's just as capable as anyone, and much more capable than the others. Now why don't you stop talking? You sound like a strangled cat."

Count Bleck coughed and cleared his throat. "It's not _that_ bad, now, is it?"

"Yeah. It is." Tippi was teasing, and it made him smile.

Count Bleck closed his eyes as he turned a thought over in his head until it became an idea. After working on it for a few minutes, he said, "Timpani, I would feel much better if you were with them."

"What?" Tippi was surprised.

"I want you to follow my minions and keep an eye on them and tell them what to do," Count Bleck said. "Right now you're a pixl designed for that very purpose… and since it is my hope you will not remain a pixl for long, we should take advantage of that while we can."

"But… but I want to stay here with you." Tippi was confused by the request.

"Timpani, we'll be together for the rest of time, I've promised you that." Count Bleck held up his finger for her to land on. "And there's no sense in both of us being stuck here. A few days, at the most."

"I want to keep you company."

"But you could do so much more for me by assuring me that my minions have the best help they can."

Tippi didn't know what to say. It was a very unusual request, and she certainly didn't want to leave her true love shut up and miserable in his room all day. But at the same time, what he was saying was true- if she left, she would both be useful and give him some peace of mind.

It was quite a conundrum.

"All right," said Tippi. "If it makes you feel better, I'll go with them."

Count Bleck smiled at her. "Thank you," he said. "It means a lot to me that you would agree to this."

"I love you," she said.

"I love you, too." He held out his hand and let her go. "Come back soon, all right?"

"Silly Mimikins," Dimentio was saying. "The true future rests in the hands of those with the foresight to provide a sack lunch for themselves." He held up his paper bag for emphasis. "Where's your sack lunch, hmm?"

"Leave me alone," said Mimi flatly.

"You're just jealous of my sack lunch," Dimentio said. "Would you like to know what I had the foresight to pack in it?"

Tippi entered the room and looked around. They were in the front foyer, Mimi, Dimentio, Mr. L, and O'Chunks. It looked like she caught them just in time, because there was nothing left for them to do before they left.

"Oh, hi, Tippi," Mr. L waved. "Did we forget something?"

"Um, no," said Tippi. "Not really… Blumiere said he wanted me to come with you."

They all looked at her in surprise.

"I know," said Tippi. "I didn't think he would, either, but he talked me into it. I think he wants me to make sure you don't do anything stupid."

"Are you sure you're up to it?" asked Dimentio. "That's a full-time job, you know."

"Be nice," she warned him. "Now let's get going, to Rogueport." _Before I change my mind_, she added to herself.


	2. 2 dash 2

EPISODE 2-2

"So THIS is Rogueport… ah ha ha ha ha… it looks exactly as I had pictured it."

Dimentio hovered above the heads of the others, scanning the streets of Rogueport carefully, looking for something the others couldn't see. After examining the scenery of Rogueport Square, he came to rest on the ground next to his companions.

"What were you looking for?" asked Mr. L.

"I was simply getting a feel for the lay of the land," Dimentio answered offhandedly. "It pays to know where you are, wherever that may be. Isn't that so?"

Mr. L shrugged. "I guess," he said.

"Great. Fine." Tippi said quickly. "Why don't you go be creepy somewhere else?"

Dimentio snapped his fingers. "Now _that_, sounds like a good plan." He looked up at the others. "Where do _you_ intend to start?"

"Nastasia gave me this folder," said Mimi, holding up a big manilla file folder. "She said the Count's instructions are in here." She opened it up and began to scan through the papers inside.

"So?" said Mr. L. "What's it say?"

Mimi showed him the contents of the folder. "I can't read his handwriting," she explained.

Mr L's eyes bugged out when he saw the paper inside. "Yikes," he said. "I wonder what a handwriting analyst would have to say about _that_."

"I can read Blumiere's handwriting just fine," Tippi interrupted. She fluttered down and peered over Mr L's shoulder. Then she carefully scanned the page.

"Got it," she said when she was finished. "He wants you two to diffuse the situation by convincing the two… groups… to refocus their attention on something… less negative…"

"What?"

"_Please_ don't make me read it exactly."

"Okay," said Mimi. "Just explain to us what we need to do." 

* * *

Gus the gate guard was busy keeping folks out of the east side of Rogueport. It was his job to stand in front of the doorway that lead to the Robbo's territory and not let anybody else in, unless they paid him the toll. It was a great job for him, as he got to hang around and do a whole lot of nothing, collect money, and, most importantly, have the opportunity to show everybody just how tough he really was. Looking tough was important to a rough street punk like Gus.

So when he saw two strange creatures, the likes of which were unknown to him (but known to us as Mimi and O'Chunks) he held up his Craw's spear and prepared the toughest parts of his vocabulary for imminent use.

"Hey, hey!" he shouted to them as soon as it was clear that they intended to pass. "This part of town is the Robbo's territory! If you want to get in, you've gotta pay the toll!"

"Oh, so that's what a Robbo is," Mimi said. "Okay, I can totally picture that."

O'Chunks gestured for Gus to move aside. "Step aside, ya wee little birdie. We 'ave business teh take care of."

"If you got real business on this side of town, I'd know about it!" Gus pointed his spear at them. "So don't even think about trying to lie to me. If you wanna get past me, it'll cost you ten coins."

"I ehn't payin' teh pass through 'ere," O'Chunks said, turning on his intimidation full force. 

Gus sneered. "Then ya 'ehn't' passing."

"Oh, I'm passin' by, all right," said O'Chunks. "In fact, yer gonna step aside and let us through right now or be slapped down like a side of mutton!"

"Whatever _that_ means…"

"You don't want to mess with me, pal," Gus snarled. "I'll mess you up so bad your girlfriend here won't be able to pick up the pieces!"

"Girlfriend!" Mimi shouted indignantly.

"Ooh, now yeh've done it," O'Chunks said. "Yeh've just earned yerself a right proper chunking!"

"Chunk him a good one, O'Chunks!" Mimi cried out happily. "Mimimimimimi!"

Gus made the first move and drove his spear towards O'Chunks. O'Chunks pulled his fist back and slapped the spear away from him easily. It snapped directly in half, and the pointed end lolled harmlessly to the side.

"Whatever, man," said Gus, tossing the spear aside. "Like I really need that thing to whup yer sorry hide. All that means is now we're gonna get up close and personal."

"HARBLE-DEH!" O'Chunks struck a pose.

"Oh… kay." Gus scratched the back of his head. "I'm not… entirely sure what I just heard… But if you're trying to psych me, it isn't gonna work!"

Gus made his move to attack. He leapt up to strike O'Chunks in the head. O'Chunks saw his move, and ducked down. Not only did he dodge the attack, he was able to grab Gus by the ankles, spin him around once, and toss him across the street.

He made sure to strake another pose after he did it, too.

"That'll teach yeh teh mess wit' O'Chunks!" he called.

Gus, who was lying on his back in the street, covered his face with his arms and groaned inwardly.

"Ishnail's gonna be sooooo annoyed with me," he grumbled.

Mimi, meanwhile, had taken the opportunity to practice her shape shifting and had turned herself into a craw that looked similar to, though not exactly like Gus. She adjusted her bandanna and checked her reflection in a mystery puddle in the gutter.

"Not bad," she said. "I think it looks pretty cute, actually."

"Izzat you, Mimi?" O'Chunks hadn't noticed her transform. "If yeh hadn't just said that, I'da bet me beard yeh were another one o' those Robbos."

"Is it really that good?" Mimi asked with a giggle.

"Aye, yeh look like one," O'Chunks said, "but yeh certainly don't sound like one. Yeh have to talk like yer tough. Like I do."

"Um… tee hee… okay…" Mimi cleared her throat. "Um… Arr! We be a couple o' tough guys lookin' fer a spot o' trouble!" She looked up at O'Chunks. "How was that?"

"That was…" O'Chunks stopped himself just in time. Then he said, "Maybe yeh'd best let me do the talkin', though."

"I think that would be best," Mimi agreed. She giggled again. 

* * *

Meanwhile, across town, Mr. L and Tippi were attempting to find the Pianta syndicate. The closest they'd come, however, was the Pianta _parlor_. It was packed with the usual kind of crowd- the west side of Rogueport was the nicer part of town, but it was still Rogueport after all. So it was packed with people who had money to blow on the slot machines and other games provided. The Kitty Boo was hovering behind her counter, protected by iron bars. It was _that_ kind of place.

"My bro is like this with the Pianta guys," said Mr. L to Tippi, holding up his fingers crossed. "He helped the family out of a jam a few times and now they're, like, lifelong pals or something. I sent him an e-mail asking for advice, and he should be e-mailing us back any second."

"In the meantime," said Tippi, "what do you suggest we do?"

Mr. L shrugged. "I don't know. Play the slots?"

"I don't gamble."

"Yeah, me neither. Although Grate Guy's Casino is pretty nice. Quiet, though."

"What?"

"Never mind. Isn't Dimentio supposed to be with us?"

"Would you really be happier if he was?"

"No, not really."

Mr. L put his hands behind his back and leaned against the wall. Tippi sighed and came to rest on the tip of his hat. Nobody seemed to care that they were loitering in the corner, so it was no problem to take a welcome break.

Suddenly, Mr. L's pocket started buzzing.

"That'll be him," said Mr. L, pulling out his Mailbox SP. He flipped it open and scanned the screen.

"What's it say?" asked Tippi, leaning over to see the screen.

Mr. L held up the screen to show her. "This is what he said he did last time to get access to Don Pianta. He had to pay for the information. Also, he said to make sure to tell 'em Mario sent us, 'cause they're still close. We even got a Christmas card from them last year."

"The mafia sent you a Christmas card?" Tippi said with disbelief.

"My bro gets a lot of weird cards around the holidays," Mr. L explained. "From people he meets on his adventures. Beanbean Kingdom, Nimbus Land, Vanilla Dome… Incidentally, do you know what a 'jawful' is?"

"No," said Tippi. She finished reading the text on the SP. Then, after a moment's thought, she said, "Wait, did you say 'Fawful' or 'jawful'?"

"Jawful," said Mr. L.

"Oh. Yeah, I don't know what a jawful is."

Mr. L closed the SP. "All right," he said. "I think we've got a game plan. What do you think?"

"I guess," said Tippi. "Let's go meet up with the others and tell them what we found."


	3. 2 dash 3

EPISODE 2-3

Nastasia closed the door quietly behind her and answered her ringing telephone- it was actually not so much a portable phone as it was a direct communication link between two Mailbox SPs. It was the new feature for the fall of 2006.

"Yeah, what is it?" she said. She spoke softly, but her voice was still full of all the weight it usually carried. "This has to be quick, I'm in the middle of something."

Tippi was on the other end. She said, "Hi, we're just checking in."

"Oh." Nastasia held up her clipboard. "Everything going according to plan, then? Super."

"Mostly," said Tippi. "We all have a pretty good idea of what we're supposed to-- _Mimi, hold the phone still!_ – supposed to do, and we only have one problem."

"Hm?" Nastasia clicked her pen tip open. "Something I need to make a note of, then?"

"Uh… yeah. We can't find Dimentio."

Nastasia almost dropped the clipboard. "You _what?_"

"He just kind of wandered off."

Mimi apparently took the phone to her own ear, because Nastasia heard her voice next: "It's not our fault, though! He was there when we got here, but then he just disappeared, sort of. We were distracted!"

"Well, then, you _find_ him." Nastasia's voice was stern and authoritative. "Yeah, because the only thing worse than Dimentio hanging around the castle is Dimentio out there _somewhere_ with nobody to keep tabs on what he's doing… 'K?"

Tippi seemed to get control of the phone again and said, "It's all right. We'll take care of it. Don't tell Blumiere, all right?"

"I'm going to have to, if the situation doesn't change." Nastasia scribbled a note onto her clipboard. "It's my job. Speaking of which, I can't stay long."

"Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, I'm just taking care of a few tasks."

"Can I talk to Blumiere?"

"Yeah, um, sorry, he's sleeping right now," said Nastasia. "I'll let him know you called."

"Is he all right?"

"Yeah, he's fine. Except for a patch of shadow vomit on the carpet, which won't come out if I don't scrub it out right away."

"Ew."

"I'll let him know you called, then, 'K?"

"Yeah…"

"K. Bye."

Nastasia hung up the phone. Then she carefully opened the door behind her again. It was the door to Count Bleck's room, where he was still resting. Nastasia finished cleaning as quietly as she could. When she was finished, she threw everything into her bucket and got up slowly.

"Is that you, Nastasia?" the Count said in a pathetic little voice.

"Oh! Um, sorry, Count. I, uh, didn't mean to wake you up."

Count Bleck pulled himself into more of a sitting position and rubbed his eye. "You didn't. I was waking up on my own." He eyed the bucket in her hand. "I'm sorry about that," he said sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it," said Nastasia. "It happens."

"Who were you talking to?"

"Just your minions checking in."

"How's Timpani?"

"She's fine." Nastasia paused. "She's having a fine time. She's worried about you."

"She'd be worried about me anyway," said Count Bleck, sliding back down horizontal. "I would just hate to think of her shut up in here when she could be outside, experiencing things." He looked at Nastasia. "Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah," said Nastasia. "Yeah, it does." She shifted her weight uncomfortably. "Look, is there anything else you need?"

"No," said Count Bleck. "Let me know if they find that psychopath."

* * *

Mimi was still disguised as a Robbo, prowling around the east side with O'Chunks. Tippi was hovering a little behind them, fluttering back and forth nervously.

"Their hideout's gotta be around here somewhere," Mimi said to herself.

"Well, I have to go find Dimentio," said Tippi. "Please, _please_ keep an eye out for him, all right?"

"Right," said Mimi. "What about Mr. L? Don't you need to help him?"

"I will, just as soon as I take care of this." Tippi shuddered with anger. "Mr. L's going to have it easier. He's got to convince Frankie and Franchesca to run off together. Now that Don Pianta's gone, there'll be nobody left to run the business and it'll dissolve. Ooh, that Dimentio really makes me mad! He's really messing up all of our plans!"

"Don't yeh worry yerself," said O'Chunks. "I'll keep a sharp eye out for that troublemaker."

"Okay, but don't forget what you're doing here," said Tippi. "Good luck!" And with that, she fluttered off to Rogueport Square.

"Here it is!" Mimi said suddenly. She saw the alley between the buildings, with scuffmarks in front of it indicating a lot of use. "This is the alley the folder mentioned! This must be headquarters where that snail guy Ishnail runs it."

"Yeh might be right about that," said O'Chunks. "Well, 'ow should we go about this, then?"

"Um, okay," Mimi began to think. "I'm gonna head inside and act all like I belong there… you can come in when I call for you. We've got to get them to believe that they can make more money treasure-diving than robbing."

Mimi crept down the alley carefully and let herself into the Robbo hideout. There were two Robbos there already, similar in appearance to Gus, and a different snail-like one, Ishnail. Ishnail was the only known one of his kind, and was hard to mistake. They were all sitting at a box, used as a table, playing cards.

Mimi waved. "Hi!" she called.

'Oopsie!' she thought. 'I've got to remember to not be so bubbly.'

Ishnail looked over his shoulder. "Hey, Rick," he said. "That was fast. Want me to deal you in?"

Mimi pulled up a crate and sat down at the table with the rest. "Uh, yeah! What are we playing?"

Ishnail started to shuffle the cards. "The name of the game is Noose Rogue Poker. Highs and lows, reds even, mushrooms wild, kings in the deck, no Bowser plays. Everybody got it?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

Mimi gulped. She didn't know anything about poker.

Ishnail dealt out seven cards to each player. Mimi looked at her hand. 7… 7… 2… 6… 12… Princess Peach… Goomba. Whether it was a good hand or not, she'd never know.

"How's the haul?" asked one of the Robbos.

Mimi looked up- was he talking to her?

The other Robbo answered him, though. "Not great. It's getting' so that we can't scrape together a dishonest living in this town." He put a fistful of coins in the middle of the table. "I call a Spider Bet. Who's in?"

Mimi bit her tongue and looked at her cards. Then she felt around in her pockets for coins.

"S'matter, Rick?" the Spider Betting Robbo teased. "Too chicken to call? Bah, you know I'm only kiddin'. It ain't my business what you do with your money."

Mimi pulled out ten coins from her pocket. "I'll play," she said.

"Who-oa!" said the first Robbo. "You must'a had a good day, there! Feelin' lucky?"

"Takin' risks," laughed Ishnail. "Ten coins on a Spider Bet. I'm out." He put his cards down. "It's all my money, anyway!"

"Ain't that the truth," said the second Robbo. "How about you, dude? You in?"

"Nah," said the first Robbo. "I'm not gonna bite."

"Okay," said the second Robbo. "Just you and me then, it's on." He threw one of his cards down. "I'm showing a six."

Mimi picked out her six and put it down. "I'm showing a six, too."

They looked at her as if they were waiting for her to do something else, so she played the twelve. "I'm showing a twelve?" she guessed.

The second Robbo frowned and looked at his cards. "I'm showing… a King." He put down a card with Bowser's face on it. "And a two." He added the second card.

"I'm showing a Princess," said Mimi, putting down the Peach card.

Robbo took out three more cards. "This is what I'm playing with." He put down the three.

Mimi picked three cards at random, hoped they were good, and played them. "This is what_I'm_ playing with."

The three of them looked over at her cards.

"Dang, yo," said the first Robbo. "Rick finally won one."

The second Robbo reached into his pocket and pulled out another handful of coins, and slapped them on the table. "Here's yer coins," he grumbled. "I don't know how you did it."

"I don't, either," said Mimi, staring at the cards. "But, gosh, it's fun to just sit here in the hideout all day playing cards, isn't it?"

"What?"

Mimi caught herself. "Um, I mean… Arr, we be havin' a good time when we're not terrorizin' he townsfolk. Arr."

Ishnail rolled his eyes. "He's been hitting the Chuckola Cola again. Rick, stop being such a dope."

"Kay." Mimi shifted her weight on the crate she was sitting on. "Geeze, this is really uncomfortable, isn't it?"

Ishnail rolled his eyes. "Well, ever tried to steal a whole friggin' chair? Can't steal 'em, can't buy 'em, can't use 'em."

"It's those Piantas," said the first Robbo. "I was out there this morning working the docks, and there were like _five_ of them there, starting up some new branch of the "business" or whatever, and they ganged up on me and told me to get lost." He grabbed the cards and started aggressively shuffling them. "And what was I supposed to do? There were like five of them! They knew it was just gonna be me! I am so sick of bein' pushed around by those dang Piantas, I could just… just…" He stopped shuffling and scrunched up his face angrily. "Well, I probably couldn't do a dang thing, that's what's got me so mad."

"Didja ever consider getting out of the Robbo racket?" asked Rick.

Ishnail stood up. "Don't tell me yer gonna flip us all out. You'd better not be tellin' me that."

"No, no!" Mimi jumped backwards and fell off the crate. She pulled herself up standing quickly and said, "I was just sayin'… um… I feel really lucky today, you know? Just a little while ago, this guy came to me… yeah! He, um, he said, 'Golly, Mr. Rick, I'm in such a good mood today.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? How's that?' An' he said, 'Cause I'm rich now, and you could be, too.'"

Ishnail snorted. "Yeah, like we haven't heard that one before. He's scammin' ya, Rick."

"No, honest!" Mimi argued. "He said that there's no money in being a thief anymore. The real money's in treasure hunting."

The second Robbo looked up with interest. "Treasure hunting?" he asked. "Like… pirates an' junk?"

"Sorta." Mimi turned around and checked the folders in secret. Then she straightened her bandanna and turned back. "See… Like, even here. There's ruins under this town that haven't been touched in a thousand years. There's treasure everywhere, you know. And you guys could go _find_ it!

Ishnail looked at the other two. They shrugged. He turned back to Mimi and said, "So… you're saying that there's barrels of money just sitting around waiting for someone to claim it?"

"You'd be surprised. You know why Mario is so rich? 'Cause he keeps the money he finds on his adventures. He doesn't get paid and he lives comfortably."

Suddenly, the door opened with a loud bang and another Robbo came lumbering into the room. His very presence seemed to fill all the empty space in the room.

"Hey!" he said loudly. "I'm back, I'm back!"

Ishnail and the other two turned around and looked at him.

"Rick?" said the first Robbo. "How'd you get here before you got here?"

"Mimimimimimi!" Mimi jumped up. "Uh… Surprise!"

* * *

_Action! Adventure! Suspense! Drama! Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion!_


	4. 2 dash 4

EPISODE 2-4

In the events concerning _Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door_, Mario helped Don Pianta twice to get two separate tickets distributed by the mob. He brought the Don's dauthter Franchesca back to him twice, and after she married Frankie, Don Pianta stepped aside and made Frankie the new boss. For bringing a sort of peace to the household, they were grateful- and Mr. L correctly assumed they'd be willing to talk to him. He had gotten in the "usual way" through the item shop next to the Pianta Parlor. He'd also taken the time to change into his usual outfit- people in these parts had come to recognize him as Luigi, after his last visits.

Mr. L and Frankie were already talking in his office, and quite thankfully, they were hitting it off.

"So, den, tell me," said Frankie. "What brings you back to dis neck o' da woods?"

"Just passing through," replied Mr. L. "I'm running with a different crowd nowadays, but my bro wants you guys to know he hasn't forgotten how much you all helped him out way back when."

"We ain't forgot how much he helped us out, neither," said Frankie.

Mr. L checked his folder surreptitiously when he thought Frankie wasn't looking. "You know," he said casually, "You and, uh, Francesca were, uh, sort of honeymooning on Keelhaul Key before you came back here, right? Isn't that what my bro told me?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Just asking," Mr. L held up his hands defensively- he was a little intimidated by the mob presence. "I hear it's a nice place, you know, now that Cortez isn't trying to curse the heck outta everyone. Thought as long as I was here, I'd get a recommendation."

Frankie shrugged. "Yeah, it's a nice place." 

"Great. Everything's great. Same with you?"

"I tell ya, it's da life. I got a great thing goin' here. I got a great wife, I got a whole syndicate to run…"

"And you've found time for both? That's impressive."

Frankie sighed.

"Something wrong?"

"Nah, I ain't got time to go on about my problems. Did ya need somethin' from me, or what?"

Mr. L put a concerned look on his face. "Well, I'd hate to ask you for anything if you've got too many problems of your own. Come on, if my bro can help ya out, I can help ya out."

Frankie leaned forward and confided in his friend, "It's Francesca. She's been sayin' I ain't got time to spend wit 'er. An' I keep tellin' her that that's what it's like to be Mrs. Boss, but she thinks I'm avoiding her. I don't know what to do, I tell ya, I'm at the end of my rope. An' if I do anything to make her unhappy, her dad's gonna come here and make me sorry. He may not be da boss no more, but he's still got it."

Oh, boy. It was to perfect. Here was his opportunity, the one he'd been hoping to set up. If he could convince Frankie to run away with Francesca again, they'd leave the Pianta syndicate in shambles. And it would be so _easy_, too. Here they were, talking man to man, and all he had to do was—

"Ah ha ha ha ha… and thus I arrive, like the now-defunct evening post. Have I missed anything?"

Or, it _would_ have been easy, if _he_ hadn't come back just then.

"Uh… Dimentio, hello," said Mr. L.

"Who's dis?" Frankie asked suspiciously. He was reaching carefully, two seconds away from either arming himself or calling his thugs.

"This is… a traveling companion of mine." Mr. L took Dimentio's wrist and held his hand out. "This is Dimentio. Dimentio, shake hands."

"I quite expected you to be finished by now," said Dimentio playfully, pulling his hand back into his own possession. "I mean, how long _does_ it take to sabotage a crime syndicate anyway?"

Dead silence.

Dimentio clapped his hands over his mouth. "Oops! Careless!"

"So…" said Frankie coldly. "All dis time, I thought we was pals… and here I find youse guys was plannin' on stabbin' me in the back?"

Mr. L thought fast. He spun around and shed his Luigi costume, revealing his black overalls underneath. Quickly he tied the mask over his face.

"Surprise!" he shouted. "It's been me, all along, the evil Mr. L! Um, I've been trying to ruin you guys forever now, and have you take down Super Mario with you. Um… Ha ha ha ha!"

"Nice touch," Dimentio commented.

Mr. L grabbed Dimentio's shoulders. "Get us the heck outta here!"

Dimentio snapped his fingers and disappeared. Mr. L, seeing that Dimentio didn't plan on taking him with him, prepared to run or fight for his life.

* * *

"O'Chunks!" Mimi shouted as she dove out of the alley. She had reverted back to her usual form, and was running like crazy from the Robbos. O'Chunks, who had been waiting somewhat patiently for Mimi to call him, suddenly jumped into a ready position.

"O'Chunks, we have a problem!" Mimi panted. "I turned into this one Robbo and they thought I was someone else so I acted like I was someone else and then the someone else they thought I was came in and now they want to kill me and I'm scared of them! Mimimimimi!"

"Ah, I knew somethin' like this was gonna happen," said O'Chunks. "Step aside, lassie, we'll take care of it."

O'Chunks picked her up and put her safely out of harms way, just as soon as the Robbos made it out of the alley. Gus, who was still standing guard at the gate, saw that there was trouble and came to join them.

"All right, what are ya tryin' to pull, huh?" demanded Ishnail. "Where's that_thing_ and what's he doin' in our hideout?"

"It's this guy again!" Gus shouted. "What're you tryin' to do, huh?"

"Keep yer hands off o' her or prepare for another chunking!"

"Chunk 'em, Chunkie!" Mimi cheered from the sidelines.

Ishnail put his fingers in his mouth and let out an earsplitting whistle. Twelve more Robbos appeared, from the alley, from the buildings, from simply hanging out nearby where they hadn't been noticed.

"Aahhh…" said O'Chunks.

"Gosh," Mimi said in a squeaky voice. "I don't think you're _this_ chunky!"

"Me neither," said O'Chunks. "But remember, there's no shame in retreatin' when the going gets impossible!"

"I couldn't agree more!"

They took off running, the entire Robbo gang behind them. Dodging pedestrians, garbage, and walls, they bolted back to Rogueport Square, only paces ahead of their pursuers.

Right behind the hangman's noose, they plowed into Mr. L. All three of them went down, staggering backwards a few steps before falling flat on their backs. By a sheer coincidence, Tippi was also fluttering to that very spot and almost got caught in the crossfire.

"Who are you running from?" Mimi asked?

"The mob. Who are you running from?"

"Street gang."

"Hi, Tippi."

Suddenly, Dimentio appeared above them. He looked around quickly, saw the two gangs converging on the one spot, and snapped his fingers. Before anyone knew it, O'Chunks, Mimi, and Mr. L were invisible.

Dimentio crouched down on the ground. "So sorry I bolted without you," he said. "I could have _sworn_ you were right with me."

"You knew perfectly well!" Mr. L snarled.

"Sh!" Dimentio put a finger to his lips.

There was mass confusion in the square all of a sudden.

"Ey, where'd they go?"

"Aw, man, I was ready for a thrashing."

"Da boss isn't gonna like us lettin' 'im get away."

"I want to hit something!"

"Listen to this," Dimentio whispered.

"Oh, we ain't gonna forget this," said one of the Piantas. "Da boss won't let us rest until we get that scrapper who tried to break up da syndicate an' ruin da good name of da Mario Brothers."

At the same time, one of the Robbos was saying, "Man, if there's a shapeshifter on the loose, tryin' to infiltrate our gang… we can't rest until we stop it…"

In about ten minutes the square was free and clear, and Dimentio had the rest of them reappear.

"See?" he said happily. "Everything worked out for the best."

"Where _were_ you?" Mimi demanded.

"I went to be creepy somewhere else," Dimentio said. "I had to meet one of my old friends from the Mushroom Kingdom Jester's Club. He lives under Rogueport. Why? Did you need my assistance?"

He smiled innocently. 

"I don't believe this!" Tippi said angrily. "Our plans are completely ruined!"

"Yeah, Dimentio!" Mr. L piped up. "I almost had 'em before you ruined everything."

"But did you not hear them? They've been preoccupied for the time being." He laughed. "It may not be a permanent solution… but neither was yours."

"I just hope Blumiere isn't upset by all of this." She shook a little. "He's feeling rotten enough already. I just can't believe this…"

Just then, Mr. L felt a tug on his sleeve. He turned around, and saw two X-Nauts standing behind the group.

"Hi," said one of the X-Nauts. "My name's Sherwood, and this is Gary." He leaned over and addressed Tippi. "Are you the same butterfly we met in the inn a little while ago? The one with the monocle guy?"

"Yes," said Tippi.

"Is this your organization?"

"Yes…" Tippi said suspiciously.

Sherwood nodded thoughtfully. After a few moments silence, he said, "You do good work."

He took Gary by the wrist and led him away.

Mimi looked at Tippi, totally confused. "What was _that_ about?"

* * *

"So, let me get this straight, said Count Bleck. Instead of driving the organizations to focus their attention elsewhere, you drove the organization to focus their attention… on _us_. Is that correct?"

"Uh… yes. Yes, it is."

Count Bleck shook his head. It was times like these when he seemed to tower strongly over the rest of the minions, as if he was a hundred feet tall and they were mice. 

They were back in the meeting chamber, all seven residents of Castle Bleck. Count Bleck looked to be his old self- or rather, his old _new_ self. He had gotten over his little bug and was back in business. His minions, while glad to see him better, were still cowering at the presence he carried.

"I shouldn't have expected more," he said at last. "I should have waited to send you all out. This is unlike anything I've ever had you do before…" He shook his head. "What's done is done. You have failed Count Bleck."

"But it wasn't our—" Mimi started to protest.

Count Bleck spread his cape open suddenly. The folds of his cloak made a loud rustle, and Mimi shut her mouth right away, putting her hands over it for good measure.

"Nastasia," he said, "I don't think we'll dispense any minion discipline this time. Come with me, we'll prepare their next assignment." Count Bleck pulled the Beige Prognosticus from the air behind him and flipped it open. "I'll make a note of this… never send the minions on their first mission alone."

Then he looked up at Tippi. "Tell me, though, Timpani… did you enjoy yourself?"

"I wanted to be with you."

Count Bleck sighed. "I knew you'd say that," he said. "I knew after I sent you away I shouldn't have asked you to leave. I was only thinking of myself, how I would feel. I did not take your feelings into account."

"Blumiere, don't be so sappy," said Tippi. "I honestly think it was good for me to get out. And… it was good to spend some more time with the others. So don't beat yourself up, okay?"

Count Bleck looked down at his minions and noticed, for the first time, that Dimentio was sagging. His back was hunched and he had his hands covering his eyes.

"Dimentio," said Count Bleck, a smug smile creeping across his face. "Is there a problem?"

Dimentio muttered something inaudible.

"He's been like that since we left," said Mr. L.

"Is that so…" Bleck smiled. "Bleh heh heh heh… I think I know what the problem is." Then he spoke to Dimentio, "Tell me, did you travel around Rogueport a lot?"

Dimentio looked up and muttered in the affirmative.

"It looks like our little jester's immune system got more than it bargained for," said Count Bleck.

"That's what you get for being a jerk," Mr. L added.

"You all suck," Dimentio grumbled.

"Get some sleep," instructed Count Bleck. "It's going to get a whole lot worse before it gets any better."

* * *


End file.
